Alternate Fairy Tails
by The Struggling Warrior
Summary: There is a theory that there are an unlimited amount of universes. Many of these universes are dark and serious. Others, however, are completely hilarious. This is a sneak peak at those humorous possibilities.
1. Gender Swap

Disclaimer: I own nothing

You ever wonder what the world would be like if everyone's gender was switched? I sure do...

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><p><strong>Gender Swap<strong>

"Ah…" A seventeen blond male wearing a tight white shirt and blue pants sighed. "Life sucks…"

"What's wrong, Luigi?" Markus Strauss, the white haired waiter wearing a white suit, smiled at his friend.

"I'm poor. My rent's due, and I don't have the money to pay!" Luigi Heartfilia banged his head on the table.

"Then why don't you just take a job?" Markus questioned kindly.

"Because Natsa, Gray, and Elijah keep destroying everything in their path! I don't get any money from my missions!" Luigi shouted.

"Then why don't you go on a job yourself?" Cain Alberona asked. The shirtless drunk with a short gruffy beard lifted his barrel of alcohol and took deep gulps.

"They keep following me on my jobs!" Luigi scowled. "They say that the team needs to stick together, then thy blow everything up…"

"Maybe you could talk to them?" Markus suggested. "I'm sure they would understand."

"Er…Onii-san…" Lucas Straus raised an eyebrow at his older brother. "Have you met them? I mean, Natsa is great and everything, but…she's kind of hard to control."

"Oh, she's not that bad…"

"What's up, bitches!" A pink haired girl wearing a large coat over her chest bound with cloth. Despite her beauty and rather generous curves, Natsa Dragneel always wore clothes that weren't all that flattering. In fact, if people didn't know better, they would think she was a guy considering her short hair and violent behavior.

"…Okay, she's that bad…"

"Must you be so vulgar, Natsa?" Elfwoman Strauss frowned at her friend. She was dreassed in a dress that did not show any skin, but still revealed the tanned woman's figure. "A real lady needs to be polite and hold her tongue while kicking ass."

"Er…" Luigi frowned. "I…I was with you up til the point where you said 'kicking ass'…."

"I say whatever the hell I want, bitch!" Natsa glared. "And there's nothing you can do about it."

"Natsa…" Elijah Scarlet approached his long time friend. He was a tall man wearing armor. His short straight hair was crimson in color. "Don't speak that way."

"Y-yes, Eli…" Natsa paled. "It was impolite of me to fuuuuuuuuuu-freaking cuss at everyone like that. I'm sorry."

"Aye!" Happy, the blue cat with a pink bow on her head, cheered from her spot by Natsa's feet. "Now Natsa is Eli's bitch!"

"Traitor!" Natsa glared down at her companion.

"What? It's true!" Happy frowned.

"Happy's completely right, Natsa." Gray Fullbuster smiled from her table. Her long dark hair almost completely hid her eye, but you still see the woman's smirk.

"AH!" Juvio Losker looked on in awe at Gray's beautiful face. The blue haired man wearing the dark coat blushed and gushed over his love. "Gray-sama is so cool! Please, Gray-sama, will you marry me?!"

"No." Gray answered without even a moment's hesitation. Even before meeting Juvio, she was used to turning down guys. To her, this was nothing.

"A swing and a miss!" Cain laughed.

"Oh! Gray-sama's words hurts Juvio so…" Juvio wasn't too upset, though. He merely bowed before the ice user. "Juvio will prove that Juvio is worthy of Gray-sama's beauty and love."

"You're annoying…" Gray sighed.

"Ya need to shut up, Gray." Natsa glared at her rival. "This isn't any of your business!"

"You make it my business with you screaming so loud…" Gray growled.

"Well, I may be loud, but at least I don't have to take off my clothes to get attention, you stripper!" Natsa glared.

"You take that back!" Gray stood up from her seat.

"I would…but you're taking your bra off right now!" Natsa snorted.

"What?" Gray looked down. Her shirt and pants were on the ground. In the ice user's hands was the woman's dark blue bra. In shock, she instantly covered her exposed chest. "Kya!"

"Hahahahahahhaha!" Natsa fell to the floor in laughter.

"A lady should never expose herself in public like that!" Elfwoman said in outrage.

"Geeze…way to give people the milk…or meat without buying the cow." The pierced dragon slayer of iron mumbled. Geneviene glanced to her companioan. "Right, Levi…Levi?

Levi McGarden did not answer. The blue haired boy was openly gaping at Gray. The book in his hands slid out of his grip onto the ground. He wasn't the only one that was doing this, though. Every man in the guild was basically gapping at Gray's exposed chest and body. Even Elijah was mesmerized by the creamy flesh.

"Geeze…those men have no shame…" Laxas Dreyer frowned. She was a tall blond woman with an impressive figure and a lightning bolt scar across her right eye. Despite this, it did not interfere with her beauty. "Just put them away, Gray, before they die from shock."

"You are so right, Laxas!" Freeda nodded at her role model. "She's shameless!"

"Hahahahahaha!" Bickslaw laughed. "This is hilarious, though. Just look at Everson! He's dumbstruck like the rest of them!"

"I would put my clothes back on…IF NATSA WOULD GIVE THEM BACK!" Gray was completely crimson in the face.

"No way! You made your bed, so lie in it!" Natsa used her fire dragon slayer magic to burn Gray's clothes.

"No!" Gray's eyes widened. "Quick! Someone give me their shirt, so I can beat her up!"

No one did so. Not even the completely loyal Juvio would give up his shirt. The men were all still in shock, and the woman were too ashamed.

"You think I'll be like the other guys when I hit puberty?" William Marvell questioned his companion.

"Kami, I hope not…" Charles the cat frowned. "I might have to tear your eyes out."

"Don't be so mean…"

"Traitors!" Gray growled.

"Gahahahahahahaha!" Natsa laughed.

"Laugh while you can, Natsa! You'll die alone at this rate. No man is willing to even look at you. You're more man than woman!" Gray snapped.

"What?!" Natsa scowled.

"Yeah! You already have one cat! In forty years, you'll be that weird old cat lady that everyone's afraid of!" Gray argued. "What man would want a man girl freak?"

"I don't need a man, but I can tell you this…" Natsa glared. "I'm more woman that you are, whore! I just don't need to objectify myself to get attention!"

"Please! We all know you're flat as a board, ugly as a bat, and got the body of a gorilla!" Gray smirked despite her nudity.

"Oh, yeah!?" Natsa ripped off her unflattering coat and loosened her bandages. Her generous chest was revealed to the world. Everyone could also see the woman's smooth skin and slick curves.

It was too much for the men in the room. Every one of them quickly gained a nosebleed. Blood flied everywhere as they fell to the ground. In an instant, every male human in the guild (even William) was unconscious.

"See!" Natsa glared. She didn't seem to care that she was naked from the waist up. She only wore clothes out of necessity. To her, they meant nothing.

"Ha! Who's the whore now, scank?" Gray smirked. "It was so easy to make you take off your clothes. You must spread your legs for everyone."

"Shut it, stripper!" Natsa's hand erupted into fire. "I'll burn you alive!"

"You can try, hoe!" Gray readied herself to use her Ice Make magic.

"Enough!" Makala Dreyer roared as her fist grew to gigantic size and rammed down on the girls. "Put clothes on now, brats! Otherwise, I'll make you clean the entire guild with your tongues!"

"…Yes, master…" They both obeyed.

It took a few more hours before the men of the guild reawakened. By that time, however, the guild was ready to close for the night, and Luigi didn't have the chance to obtain a job that day. Needless to say, he also didn't get his rent money that day.

For some reason, though, he wasn't all that upset by it...

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><p><strong>The multiverse is huge. This merely one of the possibilities...<strong>

**This is my attempt to make a more humorous story...or series of one-shots at least. Most of my stories are relatively serious and somewhat depressing. I add humor in my stories, but it's not the main focus. Tell me what you think. I have other one-shot ideas I would like to try, but this idea was in my head for a long time. After all, a lot of the mannerisms from the Fairy Tail mages would be taken differently if they were the opposite sex.**

**Thank you all for reading and please remember to...**

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	2. Early Confession

Dislcaimer: I own nothing

A few words can change a lot. Is it always for the better, though? That's for you to decide.

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><p><strong>Early Confession<strong>

Cana watched as Gildarts…her father walked away from her. She had traveled a long way after her mother died. This man was her father…and he didn't even know it? The little girl couldn't understand it. She knew that her parents were separated but…

The little girl didn't know what to do. She was rather shy, and didn't know what to say the her father. He was so big and intimidating despite his smile. Even she would feel the raw power that seemed to seep off of him.

'But…I can't let him go…' Cana decided. 'If I don't do this now, then I never will…'

"W-wait!" Cana ran after the large man.

"Huh?" Gildarts stopped and smiled down at the girl again. "Something wrong?"

"I…I'm looking for my father…" Cana felt tears form in her eyes. "My kaa-san said that he was in Fairy Tail…"

"Oh, really?" Gildarts smirked. One of the guys in there was in trouble. "Did your mother tell you his name?"

"Y-yes…" Cana gripped the piece of paper…the letter her mother left her…in her hand.

"Can you tell me? I can introduce you to him." Gildarts stated.

"H-here…" Can handed him the letter.

"Oh, let's se here…" Gildarts began to read the letter. "Ah? Ah….Ah!...AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"She said it was you…"

Despite all his power, confidence, and strength, Gildarts couldn't handle this new bit of information. It was a lot to take in after all. Learning that you now had a kid…a little girl at that…to take care of was rather earth shaking. If this was to happen about 12 years from then, then maybe he would have taken somewhat better. But that was not the case. Thus, Gildarts did the only thing a man could do in that situation.

He fainted.

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><p>Gildarts quickly recovered, though. His job, now forgotten, Gildarts decided to do the only thing he could do now. Brag and celebrate.<p>

"I have a daughter!" Gildarts cheered as he held Cana up in the air.

"WHAT?!" The entire guild reacted.

They're shock, while understandable, didn't last long. When faced with this unusualy and shocking news, the guild Fairy Tail did the thing it did best. Well…After destroying stuff that is.

They partied.

"Hahahahahaha!" Gildarts had Cana up on his shoulders all night. He was showing what a loving father he could be.

Cana smiled brightly. She was glad that she told him. Things would be better this way.

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><p>"Y-you're home…I-t's so messy…" Cana mumbled.<p>

"Sorry." Gildarts shrugged sheepishly. "It was a bachelor's pad until about two seconds ago."

"It's fine…I guess…" Cana smiled weakly. "We…can always clean it up, right."

"Er…that's not exactly my strong point, but I can try…" Gildarts rubbed his chin.

"Okay…Where do I sleep?" Cana questioned.

"I have a guest room. You can stay there!" Gildarts blasted the door open. No, he literally blasted it open. Now, it was only splinters…

"…" Cana looked inside the room. "…Is that mold?"

"Yep."

"And…i-is that a giant rat?"

"Yep. That's Jerry. Don't worry, I'll move him."

"Is…he your pet?"

"Nope, he's here because I was too afraid to move him out of here…" Gildarts frowned. "I'm sure he'll be fine on the couch for tonight. If not…he'll just destroy the whole building."

"Will…will it hurt my doggy?"

"Probably. I'd keep your dog with you at all times."

Cana's dog lasted two hours.

Okay…so things were as great as she hoped. It could be worse, right?

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><p>"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Cana cried in pain.<p>

"I'm so sorry!" Gildarts apologized. "I have a hard time holding back. I told you that me trying to teach you magic wasn't a good idea."

Cana continued to cry.

"Please stop crying!"

She didn't stop.

"Will a cookie help?"

It didn't.

"Oh, come on! I said I was sorry!"

So her dad was a filthy man that had the tendency to accidently hurt the people and destroy everything around him. It wasn't a perfect life, but…this still beat living alone with no one around.

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><p>"Snow cone!" Natsu yelled<p>

"Matchstick!" Grey glared.

"Stripper!"

"Hothead!"

"Stop it!" Erza glared at the two. "You need to stop fighting and be friends."

"Y-yes, ma'am." Natsu shuddered.

"W-we're sorry…" Grey was incredibly pale.

"Ha! What a bunch of babies!" Mirajane smirked at them all. "Two wimps being bossed around by a weakling. It's hilarious!"

"Onee-chan…Please, be nice…" Lisanna frowned.

"I am being nice. I haven't curb stomped them all yet. How much nicer do you want me to be?" Mirajane questioned. "Besides, armor girl doesn't deserve my kindness."

"What'd you say, emo-girl?!"

"I said that you're pathetic, armor girl!"

"Shut up, slut!"

"Make me, hoe!"

"You kids…" Gildarts laughed. "Don't act so tough. None of your are the strongest kid in Fairy Tail anyway!"

"What?!" All four of them glared at the older man.

"That spot belongs to Cana!" Gildarts cheered.

They all turned to Cana and glared. If they're role model and goal said that Cana was the strongest, then it must be true.

Cana say the monsters' gazes and gulped. "Well, shit…"

…Now her dad liked to put her in death matches with freaky monsters. That's just great. Cana now realized that it probably would have had a safer life is she never told Gildarts the truth…

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><p>"Tou-san!" Cana glared at her father.<p>

"What?!" Gildarts shouted in surprise.

"What did you say to my boyfriend!?" Cana questioned. "He won't even speak with me anymore."

"That's good! He was too weak to be with my little princess." Gildarts smiled.

"But he was really cute! And he was nice and funny…" Cana frowned. "I really liked him."

"That doesn't mantter." Gildarts waved her off. "All that matters is strength. If the guy can't beat me, then he isn't worthy of being your boyfriend."

"B-but you know that's impossible!" Cana paled. She would be alone forever!

"Maybe…" Gidarts nodded. "But I can't have just anyone screwing with my daughter."

"TOU-SAN!" Cana was mortified. "WE WERE'NT GOING TO DO THAT!"

"Maybe you weren't thinking that, but he sure as hell was." Gildarts scowled. "Shameless."

"You do that with woman all the time!"

"It's different!"

"How!?"

"They aren't my daughter."

"They're someone's daughter!"

"But I can beat all those fathers." Gildarts nodded sagely. "They can't do anything about it, but I can."

"You…" Cana glared.

She wasn't allowed to date. In fact, every man was too afraid of Gildarts to even get close to her. Cana was beginning to think that her life sucked.

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><p>"Stop drinking like that!" Gildarts grabbed the barrel of alcohol from her.<p>

"…That's my booze…"

"Yes, but it's not lady like to drink like that!"

"…That's my booze…."

"You shouldn't be drinking yet, anyway!"

"…THAT'S. MY. BOOZE…."

"It doesn't matter! I don't want my daughter to be an alchoholic!" Gildarts frowned. "No more drinking. Also, you need to wear more than a bra! Every man you pass gets an eyeful of you without even trying…"

"…"

"…Cana?"

"…"

"What ar you-OH KAMI! THAT HURTS SO BADLY! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I THINK I'M GONNA DIE FROM THE PAIN! GOOD GOD HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL!"

Cana had sent a 'Crash' empowered kick to Gildart's groin. The result was terrible pain. It was rather ironic that his daughter was the one that took away his ability to have children.

It was that day that Cana realized something. Life would have been better if she never told Gildarts the truth.

If only she kept quiet on the first day…

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><p><strong>I love Gildarts, but I don't think that he would make a very good Dad.<strong>

**Thank you all for reading and please remember to…**

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	3. Juvia's Plans

Disclaimer: I own nothing

It's really easy to make a man fall in love. You just need to know how to trick him into it.

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><p><strong>Juvia's Plans<strong>

(Plan #1)

"Grey-sama!" Juvia cheered as she approached her love. "Juvia has spoken with Lyon-sama, and Juvia understand everything!"

"What?" Grey raised an eyebrow. "What did that guy tell you?"

"Well, Juvia has made several attempts to get to Grey-sama's heart through his stomach." Juvia smiled. "But none of Juvia's attempts have worked. Juvia thought that it was because Juvia was a bad cook, but the rest of the guild love's Juvia's cooking…"

"Is there a point to this?" Grey questioned.

"Yes!" Juvia nodded wisely. "It turns out that Juvia isn't a bad cook. Grey-sama is just really picky!"

"What?"

"Lyon-sama told Juvia that when Grey-sama was training with Lyon-sama and Ur-sama that Grey-sama refused to eat a lot. But when Ur-sama cooked Grey-sama's favorite soup, Grey-sama would eat for hours."

"I don't get where you're going…"

"Here!" Juvia place a giant pot in front of him. "Juvia made you soup."

"Thanks, but I'm not…What is that smell?" Grey froze.

"Juvia learned Ur-sama's recipes from Lyon-sama!" Juvia beamed. "Here, let Juvia get you a bowl~"

"Wow! This is just like Ur's!" Grey smiled as he inhaled the soup.

"Juvia is glad!"

"This is freaking amazing!" Grey exclaimed.

"That's great! When Grey-sama is done, Juvia has made some of Ur-sama's homemade cookies!"

"Hot damn!"

…A man is always weak against his mother's cooking…

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><p>(Plan #2)<p>

"Juvia?" Grey raised an eybrow as he saw Juvia stand in front of his apartment. "What are you doing here?"

"Juvia has been thinking…" Juvia noted. "And Juvia has figured out why Grey-sama doesn't love Juvia…"

"Oh? And why's that?" Grey questioned.

"Juvia has been trying to woo Grey-sama like he is a boy. Grey-sama is a man, and Juvia needs to treat him as such." Juvia explained.

"And you couldn't do this during the day at the guild?" Grey questioned. "It's really late, and I just want to go to sleep."

"Sorry, but Grey-sama won't be sleeping tonight." Juvia nodded to herself.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well…Juvia couldn't do this in public, but we're alone now…" Juvia stood in front of Grey. She began to rub herself against him.

"W-what are you doing?"

"Treating Grey-sama like a man."

"S-stop tha…that…" Grey paused when Juvia's hands began to gently carress his body. "That feels really good."

"Juvia thought it would. Juvia has been…researching…" Juvia's face was completely crimson. "The books Erza lent me said that men really like when woman do this…"

Her hand slid into his pants.

"Kami!" Grey gasped.

"Juvia has a secret, Grey-sama…"

"What….what is it?"

"Juvia's a bad girl. Juvia didn't wear any underwear today."

"O-oh…"

"Let's go inside, Grey-sama. Let Juvia take care of you~"

"O-okay."

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><p>(Plan #3)<p>

"Juvia is sorry, Grey-sama…" Juvia addressed her love in the middle of the guild hall. She looked like she was about to cry. "Juvia didn't know!"

"What are you talking about?" Grey questioned.

"Juvia figured out why Grey-sams isn't interested in Juvia." Juvia cried. "Grey-sama is gay!"

"WHAT?!" The entire guild hall burst out.

"What!? I'm not gay!?" Grey exclaimed.

"You don't need to hide it, Grey-sama…" Juvia nodded sadly. "That's why Grey-sama turns down the advances of a beautiful woman…"

"Actually…that makes sense…"

"Yeah, look at Juvia. Who would turn her down?"

"I can't believe I didn't see it!"

"I'm not gay!" Grey shouted. "Juvia's just not my type!"

"A woman with a perfect body, cooking skills, strength, and utter devotion isn't your type?" Mirajane questioned.

"No…Yes…I don't know!" Grey's face was so red that it looked like it was going to explode.

"It also explains what Grey-sama spends so much time with Natsu-sama despite saying that he hates him." Juvia nodded to herself. "Grey-sama loves Natsu-sama and uses their fights as an excuse to spend time with Natsu-sama."

"Oh, Kami!" Natsu paled in fear. "Is that true!?"

"No!" Grey glared.

"It's okay, Grey." Erza comforted him. "We accept you for who you are. I've had my suspicions before, but I wanted to wait for you to come to terms with it yourself."

"I'm not gay!"

"Hahahahahahahahahaha!" Gajeel laughed. "You hear that Salamander!? The ice block's got the hots for you!"

"No!" Natsu grabed Lucy and began to pull her out of the guild.

"What?! Where are we going!?" Lucy questioned.

"I need to get this out of my head! Please help me forget about these bad thoughts!" Natsu yelled. "Let's do that thing couples do. Er...Make out?"

"B-but, I don't…I'm not…IDIOT! I'M NOT THAT KIND OF GIRL!" Lucy blushed and gushed. She might be a little angry and embarrassed, but she'd be lying if she said she never thought about kissing Natsu before.

"Please help me!" Natsu looked at her desperately. He looked like a kicked puppy.

"A-alright…" Lucy couldn't believe she was agreeing to this.

"Happy, stay here!"

"Aye, sir!"

"W-wait! Natsu!" Lisanna ran after the two. She didn't want to lose her chance at her childhood love like this. "I've known you longer! Don't leave me out!"

"Lisanna!" Elfman would have followed after his little sister, but Mirajane's glare stopped him.

"Leave them be…She can make her own choices."

"Ah…" Elfman trembled in rage.

"I'm telling you guys, I'm straight!" Grey stated.

"I don't know…" Laxus smirked. He understood what Juvia was doing. "She makes some pretty good arguments…"

"What? No!" Grey turned to Juvia. "Juvia, would you please go out with me?"

"Of course, Grey-sama!" Juvia hugged the ice mage. "Juvia will work to make sure that Grey-sama stays away from the other team!"

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><p><strong>Seriously, though, all Juvia would have to do is one of these things and she would have Grey in the palm of her hands.<strong>

**Thank you all for reading and please remember to…**

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	4. Wendy's True Power

Disclaimer: I own nothing

If cuteness was weaponized, then no one would be safe.

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><p><strong>Wendy's True Power<strong>

"Er…Hi, my name is Wendy…" The little girl blushed as she looked at her new guild.

"Kawaii!" All the woman in the guild instantly rushed to the little girl.

"Wow…" Grey looked on in awe. "They all just rushed to her her…"

"…"

"Natsu?" Grey turned to his rival.

"This…this is so weird. I feel the need to protect her…" Natsu muttued. "What is this?"

"What do you…" Grey looked as Wendy gushed and smiled at the woman sourounding her. "Oh…wholly crap. I know what you mean."

"It's the power of Kawaii." Carla noted as she looked on.

"The power of what?" Natsu questioned.

"The power of Kawaii." Carla noted. "Wendy has always had it. It makes the parental, sibling, and protector instincts come out of people."

"I see…" Grey frowned.

"Wait! Why didn't Wendy use this power when we were dealing with Nirvana!?" Natsu shouted.

"Oh, she did. You just didn't realize it. Things would have gone a lot worse if Wendy didn't use the power of Kawaii to motivate you and hinder the enemies." Carla explained. "Not to mentioned she enthralled the readers…"

"What was that last one?"

"Nothing." Carla quickly added. "The only problem is that Wendy knows that she's so cute. With her all mighty power, she can control everyone, and she knows it. Because of this, she's become quite…manipulative."

"Manipulative?"

"Excuse me…" Wendy approached Elfman. "I'm really tired from my trip. Could you maybe help me with luggage?"

"Of course!" Elfman jumped to his feet. His big brother instincts were screaming at him. "Do you want me to cary you too?"

"Only if you don't mind…"

"Damn." Natsu whistled.

"The sad part is that I would have agreed like he did…" Grey frowned.

"See? Wendy can get anyone to do anything." Carla nodded.

"Really?!" Natsu's head snapped to the cat.

"Yes." Carla nodded.

"Interesting…"

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><p>"Why the hell did I agree to this!?" Gajeel yelled in outraged.<p>

"Because I feel awkward in this new guild…" Wendy pouted. "I would really appreciate it if a fellow Dragon Slayer would help ease the tension."

"And how is my wearing a frilly pink dress going to ease the tension?!" Gajeel was beyond angry.

"I-I'm sorry…" Tears appeared in Wendy's eyes. "I just want to be accepted by the guild. I thought that this would help. I-I know it's a bad idea, but I look up to you as a Dragon Slayer, so…"

"Okay! Okay!" Gajeel looked away. "Just stop crying. I can't stand it…"

"Thank you so much!" Wendy beamed.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Natsu laughed from his table. "This was my best idea ever."

"You're so cruel Natsu…" Lucy noted, but she couldn't but giggle.

"Be careful." Carla warned. "Only Wendy can control the power of Kawaii. If you try to abuse it, it will come back to bite you."

"Please! How could this possibly come back to bite me?"

"Natsu-san…" Wendy approached Natuse. "Gajeel is still acting shy. Maybe he would feel less self-conscious if you helped him."

"What?"

"Here, wear this." Wendy held out a pretty blue dress.

"…"

"Please?" Cue the puppy dog eyes.

"Son of a bitch…"

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><p>Not long after this occurred, the entire city of Mangolia was taken to an alternate world known as Edolas. Natsu, Wendy, Carla, and Happy all went to save their friends. It was rather unusual to run into the alternate version of Fairy Tail. At first, they were all reluctant to help. Until…<p>

"Pwease?" Wendy pouted.

They didn't stand a chance.

When the now large group arrived at the city to save their friends, the guards led by the Erza Knightwalker met them. At first, everyone thought they were in for a fight, but Wendy merely stood in from of the enemy. Tears formed into eyes as she said.

"Please! You took our friends. Please help us free them. If you don't, I'll be veeeeeeeeeeery sad."

They didn't even last two seconds.

It was then that they were all taken to the king. At first, the king of Edolas was crazy and mad. He went on about how the world needed magic. There were a lot of threats thrown at them. Wendy was quick to put a stop to it.

"WWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Wendy sobbed. "PLEASE LET MY FRIENDS GO!"

Mangolia was sent back to Earthland in less than five minutes.

Before they went back, Wendy made sure to make sure this never happened again. She brought peace between the humans and the Exceed. She made everyone promise to be conservative about the magic. And she even showed them how recycle magic.

When asked later why if she could do that, then why didn't she do that against the Oración Seis, Wendy answered.

"I knew everyone could handle it back when we were dealing with Nirvana, but this all seemed to annoying and pointless. I didn't want to deal with it."

Thus Wendy solved all of Edolas' problems in one day simply because she was bored by the situation.

* * *

><p>"Please give up. We don't want to fight you." Wendy fidgeted.<p>

"Shit!" Grey and Loki cursed. When Mest asked Wendy to be his partner, they knew this would happen. They knew that no one would stand a chance. Hell, all Wendy had to do was ask Master Makarov to pass then, and the old mage probabably would have promoted Mest on the spot.

They were all lucky that Wendy was their friend, otherwise she might have done it.

"We give up…" Grey sighed.

"It's our bad luck for getting you as an opponent." Loki groaned.

"Thank you very much." Wendy beamed.

* * *

><p>It was later that day that Grimoire Heart attacked Fairy Tail's sacred land. Wendy didn't have the chance to fight many people. But in the end, she stood alongside Natsu, Grey, Erza, and Lucy in their final fight with Hades. She didn't need their help, though.<p>

Wendy looked up at the master of the Dark Guild. Tears began to flow from her eyes as she pouted at the man. "Pwease just leave. We're all tired and don't want to fight. You don't want to hurt me right?"

"Er…" Hades paused.

"If you leave, it will make me very happy." Wendy blushed cutely.

"…Okay…" Hades nodded.

It turned out that the true magic wasn't darkness. No, it was cuteness.

* * *

><p>A few hours later, Acnologia appeared. He tried to kill all of them. The dragon wasn't alone, though. Zeref was fascinated by Wendy's power and decided to stay to see what happened. This led to a fight between the Black Dragon and the Dark Mage. All the members of the guild would have been killed, if it wasn't for Wendy's secret Kawaii technigue.<p>

Light dazzled around her. A rainbow formed above her head. Her eyes doubled in sides as tears began to fall. Her lips pouted slightly. It was Secret Kawaii Technique: Cuteastrophe.

"Pwease stop fighting!" Wendy begged.

That was all it took. Both Acnoligia and Zeref decided to change their ways that day. They left the island to spread the news of the ultimate form of magic. The two all powerful beings told the world that they were both defeated by on technique. And from that day one, the world understood one thing:

Never underestimate the power of cuteness.

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you all for reading and please remember to…<strong>

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	5. Difference in Reactions

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Women tend to notice things that men would easily over look.

* * *

><p><strong>Difference in Reactions<strong>

Once again, everything was back to normal. Tartarus was defeated. Face was disarmed. The entire nation, perhaps even the world, was once again safe. This was all thanks to the actions of the members of Fairy Tail.

Of course, no matter how much peace there was in the world, Fairy Tail would find some way to bring the chaos. Or more specifically, Natsu Dragneel would always find a way to bring the chaos, even when he wasn't even trying to do so…

"Natsu!" Lucy screamed as she stormed up to the fire dragon slayer that was eating in the guild hall.

"Mmhat?" Natsu spoke through a mouthful of noodles.

"You're a terrible, terrible person, you know that?!" Lucy glared at him. "After everything we've been through together…you go and do that!? I can't believe it!? You are a stupid jerk!"

"…You're going to clarify…" Natsu swallowed his food. "There's a ton of shit that I do that would make me a stupid jerk. Are you talking about the time I accidently set your apartment on fire?"

"Sadly, I've gotten used to that. You do that every week…" Lucy frowned.

"Oh…Was it because I ate all your food?"

"I'm angry about that too, but no! That's not it!"

"Is the fact that I helped Happy hide his leftover fish bones in your underwear drawer?"

"No, it's not…WAIT! WHAT?! HAPPY, YOU STUPID CAT! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!"

"Well, one, I needed to get rid of the bones. Two, I thought it would be pretty funny to hide them in your underwear drawer and see your reaction." Happy explained with a giggle. "And I was right! This is hilarious!"

WHACK!

"Owie!" Happy clenched the bump on his head.

A vein in Lucy's head twitched. "That's what you get…"

"Well…if it was none of those things, then I have no idea what you're talking about." Natsu shrugged.

"Lisanna told me what happened when you were captured!" Lucy huffed.

"Oh…and?" Natsu blinked.

"She told me that you when saw her naked you instantly freaked out and turned away!" Lucy yelled.

The whole guild went silent and was staring at them.

"Er…" Natsu paled as his eyes widened. "W-what?"

"I know that they stripped you both of your clothes and put you in a cell together!" Lucy growled. "Then, because there was nothing to cover her, you turned away instantly and respected her modesty."

"I don't know how to feel about this…" Elfman noted from several tables away. "On one hand, he saw my sister naked, but on the other hand, he respected her enough to turn away…like a man…"

"You can still beat him up, but wait for now." Mirajane stated to her brother. "Right now, I really want to see how this plays out…"

"Well, isn't that what I'm supposed to do?" Natsu defended himself as he looked around. "Right?! I'm right here!"

Everyone mumbled. It wasn't Natsu's fault that he was put in a cell with Lisanna. His reaction couldn't be condemned either considering the circumstances.

"Of course that's the proper thing to do, you moron!?" Lucy shouted. "I'm not mad about how you reacted to her, I'm mad that you didn't same for me!"

"W-what?"

"Remember?! When the dragon vanished my clothes!? You weren't affected in the least! It didn't seem to be like a big deal to you! You even gropped my breast!" Lucy's face flushed. "You do that with me, but then you go and react so differently with Lisanna…"

"Er…" Natsu mumbled.

"Why the difference?!" Lucy demanded.

"I don't know. I guess it's because I've known Lisanna since we were kids." Natsu shrugged.

"But you've known Erza just as long, but she can get naked in front of you and you don't even flinch like in the hot springs!" Lucy argued.

"Well, that's Erza. She has no sense of modesty whatsoever…" Natsu mentioned.

"Should I feel insulted?" Erza turned to Wendy.

"Probably, if it wasn't true." Wendy stated. "But…I agree with Natsu on this one. I didn't even think you knew what modesty was for a while."

"What? Why would you say that?" Erza tilted her head in confusion.

"Erza…" Carla sighed. "To use your magic, you literally strip in front of your enemies. Not only that, your armors look like outfits that strippers would wear."

"Really?" Erza hummed. "And that's bad?"

"Not for the men looking at you at least…" Carla stated dryly.

"That's your excuse!?" Lucy glared at Natsu. "I can't believe you!"

"Lucy, calm down." Lisanna approached the two. "This isn't Natsu's fault. Maybe I shouldn't have told you…"

"No! It's good you told me!" Lucy puffed out her cheeks. "I lets me know where I stand."

"Oh, come one, Lucy! I've only known you since you were an adult. This is how I always see you in my mind." Natsu argued. "With Lisanna, it's different. I mean, she was a little girl when I met her."

"Wait!" Lisanna glared at him. "Is that how you see me? As a little girl?!"

"Er…" Natsu scratched his head. "I don't know how to respond to that…"

"It is, isn't it!?" Lisanna frowned. "Is it because Lucy's breasts are bigger than mine?!"

"W-what?" Natsu's eyes widened.

"That's it! You like her body more, so you leered at it! And you can't stand mine, so you instantly looked away!" Lisanna glared.

"I have no idea what you're talking about…" Natsu whimpered.

"What?!" Lucy shouted. "That's not it! It's that he respect you more than he does me!"

"But he just said that he sees me as a girl and you as a woman!" Lisanna argued. "That means that he's more attracted to you than me!"

"He also said that he has a more emotional bond with you, though!" Lucy returned. "You even had a child-cat together after all!"

"Right! So that makes you the mistress!" Lisanna glared.

"Er…Where's this argument going?" Natsu whispered to Happy.

"Don't know. But it sure is funny. It's even funnier than fish bones in woman's underwear...Wait...that doesn't sound right..."

"Mistress!?" Lucy looked horrified. "He thought you were dead when he met me!"

"But then he learned that I'm still alive, and he still goes on tons of jobs with you!" Lisanna huffed. "He's cheating on me with you."

"Cheating?!" Natsu hissed.

"Cheating?!" Lucy glared as she asked the same question. "How can he be cheating on you if you haven't even kissed before?!"

"Unlike you, who's let him go to second base immediately!" Lisanna snapped.

"I didn't let him! He just did it!"

"And that shows that he likes your body more, mistress!"

"Stop calling me that!"

"If the shoe fits!"

"I am so confused right now…" Natsu muttered.

After a minute of arguing, Lucy finally yelled, "Well why don't we just ask him who he likes best?!"

"Great idea! Natsu, who do you like more? Me or Lucy?" Lisanna turned to her childhood friend.

"Yeah, Natsu, tell us!?" Lucy glared at the dragon slayer.

"When did this turn to me again?"

"NATSU!" Both girls snapped.

"Um…I got nothing. Happy, back me up here." Natsu looked to his companion.

"No! It's because of you that Lucy learned that I was behind the fish thing and hit me!" Happy crossed his arms angrily.

"It involved fish! She would have figured out is was you anyway!" Natsu argued.

"It could have been Carla or Lily!" Happy retorted.

"No it couldn't!" Lily yelled from the back of the guild.

"Absolutely no chance…" Carla frowned.

"Oh, come on! Just give me this one!" Happy exclaimed at his fellow Exceed.

"No!/ No way…" They responded.

"Damn…"

"Natsu, pay attention." Lisanna frowned. "You need to tell us who you like more!"

"Yeah! Tell us, Natsu!" Lucy demanded.

"…Okay, I'll tell you." Natsu sighed. "The truth is that I like…Fire Dragon's Ninja Smoke!"

Natsu breathed out and filled the entire guild hall with smoke.

"Cough! Cough! Natsu!"

"Damn, I can't see anything!"

"You moron! Now my food's all smokey!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Natsu ran out of the guild like a man possessed.

"Get back here!" Lisanna took chase.

"You need to answer us!" Lucy followed her. "Everyone deserves to know!"

Alas, no one received an answer that day. Neither girl was able to catch the fleeing dragon slayer. They would just have to wait to receive their answer tomorrow…Unfortunately, another disaster occurred the next day that required Fairy Tail's complete attention, and everyone forgot about the argument.

For now, at least.

* * *

><p><strong>Special thanks to Takei Daloui who gave me the idea for this chapter. We sometimes discuss the different happenings in Bleach and Fairy Tail, and it was Takei that pointed out just how different Natsu's reactions were. If you like Bleach and Fairy Tail, you should check out Takei's story, "Protector of the Fairies." It's an excellent read.<strong>

**Thank you all for reading and please remember too…**

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	6. Dragon's Love

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Love has always been a funny and unexpected thing. Sometimes, though, it's hilarious and completely random.

* * *

><p><strong>Dragon's Love<strong>

(#1: Erza)

"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah…" Natsu groaned as he followed Erza through the market.

"Don't groan like that, Natsu. It's unbecoming." Erza stated sternly.

"But I'm so bored…" Natsu sighed pathetically.

"Don't worry, we'll be done soon." Erza smiled.

"You said that an hour ago…" Natsu grumbled.

It might seem like an usual sight, but this had become more and more common since Erza made the weird decision to date Natsu. No one knew why the knight would wish to court the dragon, but after the events of the Tower of Heaven, Erza had grown closer to the fire dragon slayer. Eventually, Erza approached Natsu and demanded a date. Of course, Natsu tried to turn her down, but he quickly learned that it wasn't a choice.

"Gahahahahaha!" Gajeel laughed as he saw Natsu following Erza's orders. "That's hilarious!"

"I think it's sweet…" Levy smiled at the couple.

"Maybe from a girl's perspective, but from mine, he's totally whipped!" Gajeel grinned.

"Hey! I can hear you!" Natsu shouted at his fellow dragon slayer.

"That's the point, flame brain!" Gajeel chuckled.

"Don't start a fight, Natsu." Erza commanded.

"…Okay…"

"And you, stop antagonizing my boyfriend." Erza glared at the iron dragon slayer.

"…Whatever…" Gajeel grumbled.

"Natsu, I'm going to go try on a few dresses and then we can go for lunch." Erza informed the pink-haired man.

"Alright…" Natsu nodded as she walked off.

"Hmm…" Levy tilted her head. "That seemed a little cold."

"Huh?" Natsu questioned.

"She didn't hug you or kiss you or anything when she walked off." Levy noted.

"Erza isn't one for public displays of affection…At least that's what she said. Not like I care all that much." Natsu shrugged.

"Oh…" Levy nodded slowly.

"What about when you're alone?" Gajeel questioned with a smirk.

"Gajeel!" Levy's face turned red. "You shouldn't ask about things that are so private!"

"What? I was just wondering…" Gajeel elbowed his fellow dragon slayer. "Come on. Is she all freaky when you're alone together?"

"Freaky? Hmm, I guess." Natsu nodded slowly. "Last time I had plenty of scratches all over my body."

"Ah…" Levy clapped her hands over her mouth as her face flushed even more.

"Oh ho ho!" Gajeel's eyes glinted. "Is that so?"

"Yeah, but it's not like she comes out totally unscathed. She tends to limp a lot afterwards." Natsu explained with a grin. "I'm relentless after all."

"Ah!" Steam seemed to be coming off of Levy's head now.

"I'm sure!" Gajeel seemed to be loving this. "So it's good?"

"It's great! I really love when she brings out the-"

"Pigs! Dogs! Disgusting creeps!" Levy glared at them. "How can you talk about the matters of the bedroom so carelessly in public!?"

"Bedroom?" Natsu blinked. "What does the bedroom have to do with anything? We're usually in the forest so we don't destroy anything important."

"Oh, this is so great." Gajeel was laughing. "The great and mighty Titania likes kinky sex in the forest!"

"Sex?" Natsu was super confused. "When did we start talking about sex?"

"Huh? You stupid or something? That's all we've been talking about." Gajeel rolled his eyes.

"What? No. I've been talking about fighting." Natsu noted. "Erza lets me spar and fight with her all the time because we're dating. It's awesome. She really gets me all fired up."

"Oh…" Levy seemed to calm down a lot. "That…that's a lot better then."

"Why did you think I was talking about sex?" Natsu questioned.

"Moron! You said that she kept scratching you and that you left her limping!" Gajeel growled. "Of course we assumed you were having kinky sex."

"What? You do know that she uses swords and I tend to hit hard, right?" Natsu blinked.

"Gah…You're the biggest idiot ever." Gajeel scowled.

"Well…I'm glad that you have at least enough tact not to talk about your love making with Erza in public." Levy smiled at the dragon slayer.

"What?" Natsu blinked again.

"Sex. She's glad that you don't talk about sex in public." Gajeel grumbled.

"Oh…well, we never did that yet." Natsu mentioned.

"Oh…so she's a prude?" Gajeel questioned.

"Gajeel!" Levy cried in indignation.

"Prude? I don't know what you mean." Natsu frowned. "Is it bad that we haven't had sex?"

"No! It's nice that you're willing to take things slowly." Levy smiled. "Love making is an intimate and important thing.

"Man, sex must be important if both you think it is." Natsu realized.

"Of course it is!" Gajeel snapped. "That's what all guys want out of their relationships after all! If I had a girlfriend, I'd be constantly asking for it."

He never noticed as Levy gained a hurt and embarrassed look all at once.

"Oh…You know what, now that I think about it, maybe Erza did want sex." Natsu gained a pensive look. "That would explain the strawberries, whip cream, and lacy underwear she bought last week."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, in fact, every week, she's brought me out to go shopping and bought some really weird stuff." Natsu shrugged. "I guess I never connected the dots. Oh well, I don't think I'm missing out on much."

"…Dragneel…" Gajeel gave Natsu a sour look.

"Yeah?"

"On the behalf of all men, I want to say that you're the biggest idiot on the planet and that we all hate you."

"Oh…okay then."

* * *

><p>(#2: Juvia)<p>

"Here you go, Natsu-sama~" Juvia cheered. "Juvia-chan made you lunch!"

"Really!? That's great!" Natsu took the boxed lunch and grinned at the girl. "You're awesome!"

"Ah!" Juvia clutched her flushed face and swooned. "Natsu-sama complimented Juvia-chan! Juvia-chan is so happy!"

Natsu tore open the box and began eating.

"No fair, Natsu!" Happy pouted. "Why do you get food!?"

"Juvia-chan didn't forget Happy!" Juvia smiled and produced a fresh fish that was bigger than her head.

"FISH!" Happy jumped up and down. "I love you, Juvia!"

"Juvia is glad that Natsu-sama's best friend feels that way!" Juvia sat next to Natsu and leaned onto him as he ate.

Across the guild hall, people watched the odd couple. It had been this way ever since Natsu and Juvia fought during the war between Fairy Tail and Phantom Lord. The water woman became obsessed with the fire dragon slayer. Natsu didn't seem to care all that much. In fact, when Juvia began to bring him food, he fully embraced the woman as a friend. When Juvia asked for more than regular friendship, Natsu quickly agreed. After all, her food was divine, she was super fun to be around, and she was always complimenting him.

What more could he ask for?

"It's weird…" Elfman noted to Grey. "I never thought about Natsu being a man and having a girlfriend."

"Meh." Grey shrugged. "I guess any idiot can get a girl to love him with enough dump luck."

"You don't care?" Cana questioned.

"Actually, I'm glad. Natsu annoys me a lot less with her around." Grey shrugged. Of course, as he did this he absentmindedly removed his shirt.

"I thought you would be mad that your rival has a girl literally flinging herself at him while you have no one." Cana took a huge swig of her barrel of beer.

"Geeze, you make it sound like I'm missing out on something." There went Grey's pants.

"I just thought that a guy that can't keep his clothes on would want a woman to take notice." Cana rolled her eyes. "By the way…your clothes."

"Shit! Not again!"

Back across the guild, Juvia was still chatting with Natsu.

"Do you want Juvia-chan to feed you, Natsu-sama?" Juvia questioned.

Natsu swallowed his food. "But if you do that, then I won't be able to eat as fast and won't get enjoy all of your food before it gets cold."

"Ah~ Natsu-sama is so smart!" Juvia cheered.

"Thanks!" Natsu grinned. "You know what, Juvia. You're the nicest girl I ever met. No one ever did so much for me before."

"Juvia-chan is so happy that you're pleased!" Juvia's eyes sparkled.

"Is there anything I can do to repay you?" Natsu questioned.

"Well…Juvia-chan has prepared a picnic for us later tonight. It will be so romantic under the moonlight~" Juvia swooned.

"Ah…okay. If that's what you want." Natsu nodded. It seemed rather simple to Natsu, but Juvia seemed to like this plan.

"And after wards, maybe you can over to Juvia-chan's room at the Fairy Hills, and Juvia-chan will show you some of Juvia-chan's new pillows." Juvia's eyes gleamed.

"Oh…" Natsu frowned. That sounded boring. It was something Natsu wasn't really interested in, but Juvia was so nice. He could at least do this for her. "I don't know if that's the most fun thing we could do, but if it makes you happy…"

"Don't worry, Natsu-sama! Juvia-chan is certain that you won't be bored." Juvia smiled.

Everyone who could hear this was grumbling to themselves. Aparantly, the clueless dragon slayer was going to have a moonlight picnic and then go back to Juvia's solitary room with a large bed and thick walls…just to see pillows…Yeah right.

It was then that a unanimous thought went through the guild hall. 'Lucky SOB…'

Well…everyone except Grey for some odd reason…

* * *

><p>(#3: Mirajane)<p>

"So…How did your date go last night?" Lucy asked as she saw her teammate sit down across from her.

"Surprisingly good…" Natsu yawned.

"What's got you so tired, matchstick." Grey questioned.

"Well…Mirajane can be a bit of a slave driver." Natsu sighed. "When I first took her out, she wanted to go eat."

"That doesn't sound bad." Lucy smiled.

"But it was at this super fancy resteraunt, and I had to wear a suit and tie. Then, they made me comb my hair, and then I was covered in this stupid cologne to cover my smell…" Natsu grumbled.

"I don't blame them." Grey commented. "Usually, you smell like a dead cow."

"Can it, stripper…" Natsu began, but then collapsed to the table. "Oh, whatever, I'm too tired to argue."

"From a simple dinner?"

"Naw, the food was good, even if the music and building sucked ass." Natsu groaned. "It was what came after that."

"Oh?"

"Mirjane dragged me dancing." Natsu complained. "I hated it. Why dance when we could fight? But whenever I asked that, Mira would purposely step on my toes."

"As you deserve." Grey smirked. He was taking advantage of his rival's momentary fatigue.

"So, we did that until the place closed." Natsu continued. "But she wasn't done there. Mira then dragged me up into the hills, and we talked for hours."

"Oh, no wonder you were tied." Lucy nodded in understanding. "You must have been up for half the night."

"Nope. All night." Natsu stated.

"Oh! That's so romantic! You talked all night?" Lucy gushed.

"Nope. After we finished talking, she said she wanted coffee."

"Eh?"

"So we went back to my house even though I don't have any coffee."

"Eh?!"

"And then she threw me to the bed and had her way with me."

"EH!?"

Grey chocked on his drink. "Gack! Gah! Ack! You've got to be kidding me?!"

"Nope." Natsu groaned. "Did not get one wink of sleep. It was really weird too. Mira brought out these handcuffs and whips. I was really freaking out at first, but then things started feeling really REALLY good."

"Please stop talking…" Lucy whimpered.

"What? You're the one that asked why I was so tired." Natsu shrugged.

"Wait…What about Happy?" Grey questioned.

"Mira threw him out with a pile of fish. Haven't seen him since." Natsu groaned. "Now shut up. I'm trying to sleep…"

"Good morning, Natsu-kun!" Mira cheered as she waked up behind the dragon slayer.

Natsu looked up. "Oh…Good morning, Mira-chan."

"Last night was so great!" Mira had a huge smile on her face. "We should have another date tonight."

"Oh…Okay. I just need a nap…and maybe an energy drink…" Natsu noted.

"Great! Come up to the counter later after your nap and we can talk." Mira leaned in and whispered in his ear. "Elfman's gone on a request, so he'll be gon ALL night. So we can go to my house tonight."

"Oh…Okay…" Natsu stared off into space. There was no telling what Mira might have at her house…

"See you soon!" Mira cheered as she walked up to the bar and begin her work.

"…Was she glowing?" Lucy blinked.

"Yep." Grey frowned and looked away.

"Oh…" Lucy looked over to the now sleeping dragon slayer.

It just occurred to her that she might have missed out…

"Oh, it's a great day to be alive~" Mira sang as she worked. Her voice was cheery, her skin was glowing, and there was a bounce in her step.

Okay, she definitely missed out.

"But…but it wasn't like anyone could have predicted this would have happened." Lucy mumbled to herself. "I mean, Natsu and Mirajane? Who would even think about that?"

* * *

><p><strong>Apparantly, I would think about that. At least from a humorous perspective.<strong>

**Why did I choose Natsu? Because paring people with him is completely hilarious. In fact, I might do a second part to this with other girls.**

**Thank you all for reading and please remember to…**

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	7. Just Because

Disclaimer: I own nothing

Many times the simplest explanation is usually the correct one.

* * *

><p><strong>Just Because<strong>

SPOILER WARNING FOR CHAPTER 404 OF FAIRY TAIL! READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Everyone watched in shock and awe as Erza Scarlet pushed her opponent back. Despite having all five off her senses stripped from her by Tartarus's Kyouka, the knight mage still managed to not only get up and fight, but also was on the verge of victory. It was a shocking and unbelievable sight.

"This is impossible…" The demon Kyouka's jaw was dropped. "I sealed all five or your senses. And on top of that, my magical powers have increased your sensitivity to pain to its absolute maximum."

Erza's response was to kick Kyouka in the stomach.

"Bwah!" Kyouka cried out in pain. Her pain had nothing on Erza's pain, however.

"You shouldn't be able to see me! Let alone hear my voice!" Kyouka yelled. "So how do you know where I am?!"

"The only possible explanation is it's some sort of sixth sense…" Lily the catlike Exceed mentioned.

"Are you saying that with all five of her senses robbed, some other form of perception awakened?" Lector questioned.

Frosh was confused.

"No, I think the eplanation is much simplier." Happy mentioned. "It's because she's Batman."

"…What?" Minerva stared at the blue cat.

"Isn't it obvious?" Happy questioned. "She does the impossible without any explanation as to how. She's an unstoppable badass, and she's a favorite of the fans."

"What was that last one?" Lily questioned.

"She's a favorite to win the fight." Happy stated simply.

"Oh…okay…" Lily muttered.

"You're so stupid!" Minerva cried out. "There's no way that Erza's Batman! She's not a man!"

"That's sexist!" Happy yelled. "It's obvious that Erza calls herself BatMAN to trick her enemies. Plus, have you ever seen Erza and Batman in the same place!? Because I haven't!"

"He makes an excellent argument…" Lily noted.

"It makes total sense!" Lector shouted.

"Frosh agrees!" Guess who said that…

"Cat's are stupid…" Miverva shook her head.

* * *

><p>(Later in Gotham City after the crap with Tartarus was settled…)<p>

"Busy night, ma'am?" Alfred questioned as Batman jumped out of the Batmobile.

"Yes, I had to establish that my secret identity and I were different people." Batman pulled off his cowl and walked to the Batcomputer. Red locks fell down his shoulders. As he sat down, he pressed a button on his wrist and his muscles deflated.

"And how did could you pull that off?" The old butler questioned.

"Because I'm me." Erza stated simply.

"You know, it's things like that which makes people question your identity…" Alfred sighed.

"No, the only reason people question my identity is because Happy won't shut up about it…" Erza sighed. "I'm going to need to bribe him with some fish in order to keep him quiet."

"Are you sure that's necessary?" Alfred questioned. "Your secret identity is pretty well protected after all…"

"It's better to be safe than sorry." Erza nodded to herself.

"If you say so, ma'am…" Alfred sighed. "Does this mean you're going back to the guild tomorrow?"

"Yes, I have an image to keep up, after all…" Erza noted. "I need to make sure that Natsu and Grey don't do anything too stupid…"

Her life was a difficult one. Protecting Gotham was one thing, but keeping Fairy Tail out of trouble…That was impossible. But she could pull it off.

After all, she was Batman…er, Erza…Same difference…

* * *

><p><strong>This is the first thing that popped into my head after Erza defied the laws of logic...and reality...And the explanation, "Because she's Erza"... I immediately thought of How It Should Have Ended..."BECAUSE I'M BATMAN!"<strong>

**Thank you all for reading and please remember to…**

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	8. A Good Excuse

Disclaimer: I own nothing

A man should always take care of his responsibilities…unless he has a really good excuse.

* * *

><p><strong>A Good Excuse<strong>

(Based on Chapter 417, so…SPOILERS!)

"You jackass!" Natsu shouted. He grabbed his opponent's face cheeks and pulled at them.

"You're the one that stole my bag!" Gildarts exclaimed back. Like his younger guildmate, Gildarts was pulling at his opponent's face.

"Raw!" Natsu used his flames to push the man off of him. "I did not steal your bag! We accidentally switched them!"

"Please! You probably switched them so you could have a peak at my magazines!" Gildarts cracked his knuckles.

"No way!" Natsu's veins began to pop. "I don't need to read porn like you old man! I'm not pathetic!"

"What did you call me!?" Gildarts was preparing to use his Crash magic to destroy the man before him.

"You heard me!" Natsu glared. "You're pathetic! Do you know the hell we went through!? We went to war with Tartarus, and you were nowhere to be seen!"

"I said I was sorry!" Gildarts cried out. "I didn't hear about it, and I was super busy!"

"The Magic Council was slaughtered, and you didn't hear about it?!"

"He has a point…" Happy, who was standing nearby, pointed out.

"Stay out of this, cat!" Gildarts snapped.

Happy merely trembled in fear.

"I could understand if you were fighting some monsters or protecting a village or something…" Natsu pointed accusingly at the pile of porn. "But you were just out in the wilderness reading porn!"

"I was not…just reading porn…" Gildarts deflated a bit. "I was doing other stuff…"

"Like what?!"

"I was…uh…" Gildarts paused. "I was…saving this woman from a group of bandits."

"Oh…" Natsu seemed to calm down a little.

"Wait, Natsu." Happy raised a paw and eyed Gildarts. "How hot was she?"

"Oh! She was super hot!" Gildarts began to drool.

"Gildarts!" Flames roared around Natsu. "You left us to die because you were reading porn and trying to have sex with some girl!?"

"Wait! I have a good excuse." Gildarts held his hands up in surrender. "She was really, REALLY hot."

"You bastard!"

"You don't understand!" Gildarts shouted. "She had this beautiful face."

"What?"

"And she was super curvy."

"So?"

"And she had a rack this big!" Gildarts made a move with his hands that suggest a substantial amount of cleavage.

"So do almost all the women I know!" Natsu argued.

"You know what…" Happy spoke up again. "The woman Gildarts just described could be almost every woman we've ever met."

Natus paused. "Pretty. Curvy. Large chest…Yep. That's almost all the girls I know besides Wendy and Levy."

"Weird…" Happy muttered.

"So you know what I mean, right? How could anyone resist that?!" Gildarts argued. "I mean, if some girl offers to take her clothes off for you…"

"He has a point there." Happy mentioned. "After all, you've been around a lot of naked ladies lately."

"What?! He has?!" Gildarts's eyes widened.

"Aye, sir!" Happy nodded. "Girls have their clothes off around Natsu all the time. Lucy. Erza. That time with Lisanna."

"Plus that time Erza called me into the bathhouse with almost all the girls in Fairy Tail in there…" Natsu nodded his head.

"You!" Gildarts glared at him.

"Huh?" Natsu blinked.

"I can't believe this!" Gildarts stormed over to him. His footsteps shook the very ground below them.

"I-I…" Natsu remember when Gildarts basically leveled a small mountain only a few hours ago.

Gildarts stood before Natsu and glared down at him. "You…you sly dog!"

"What?"

Gildarts fell to his knees. Tears run down his face in absolute joy. "I'm so proud of you. You've taken all that I've taught you and excelled. Regular girls are one thing, but mage girls? They're so tough to seduce. And you basically did it to the entire guild? Respect."

"But, that's not…"

"I have to say, when you were younger, I thought that you would just marry Lisanna when you were eighteen and be stuck like that forever, but now I find out that you're a ladies man!" Gildarts gave him the biggest of grins. "I'm so proud of you! A man among men! Banging so many gorgeous woman at once…"

"It's not like that, you big perv!" Natsu snapped. "We didn't do anything!"

"Huh…But they were naked." Gildarts blinked.

"Yeah. Woman just seem to lack clothes around me. It's not a big deal." Natsu shrugged.

"…"

"…"

"…Natsu, do you even like women?" Gildarts questioned. "Because I don't think you're gay, but if you don't like women, then that means something's up. Homosexual…Asexual…Either way, you can tell me, and I'll be fine with it. Just don't come to me with advice on how to handle it."

"What?"

"You know, that question is still up in the air…" Happy took a thinking position. "Sometimes, he reacts to naked girls. Other times, he doesn't. He's really inconsistent about it. It's weird."

"I'm not weird!" Natsu roared in outrage.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…" Both Gildarts and Happy gained an awkward look and sucked in breath.

"Well, I'm normal compared to you, Gildarts!" Natsu glared at the pile of porn. "I mean look at all that. It's creepy. In fact…Is that a picture of you and Cana?"

"Huh?" Gildarts blinked.

"There…" Natsu pointed to a picture sticking out of one of the porno magazines. "That's a picture of you and Cana. What was that doing in one of your pornos?"

"Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…I can explain."

"Go ahead…"

"You see, I was looking at the picture, but then I had to get moving. Given my habit of destroying everything besides the stuff in my bag, I decided to hide it in there, but I knew it would get crumbled up. So I hid it in the magazine so that nothing would happen to it." Gildarts blushed.

"But…you're daughter? Next to a picture of a girl that you probably masturbated to?" Natsu gained a disgusted face.

"You don't know that." Gildarts's face got even redder.

"…I think you just admitted it." Natsu shook his head. "Look, this is too awkward for me, and that's saying something…I'm going to walk away with Happy now. You can have your porno stuff back, and don't worry about my stuff, I'll get more."

"But…"

"Come on, Happy…"

"Aye, sir."

"Wait! I can explain! I have a good excuse, I promise!"

"I don't want to hear it!" Natsu covered his ears and began to run away. "Lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala!"

"Please don't tell anyone about this!" Gildarts pleaded.

"I don't think we're ever going to talk about this ever again…" Happy mumbled as he flew after Natsu.

* * *

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